Last century there was in France a great professor, Frederick Ozanam. He was so eloquent, so capable! His priest friend said, ‘He is so gifted and so good. He will become a priest.’ He was assured of it. However, the priest friend later said, ‘Frederick met a girl, got married, and fell into a trap!” 

Two years later the priest friend came to Rome and met Pope Pius IX and the Pope said, “Father, I thought there were 7 sacraments but I hear that you have changed things. You say there are 6 sacraments and a trap. My dear Father, marriage is not a trap - it is a great sacrament!

Pope John Paul the II recounted this humorous story to re-emphasize the dignity of marriage in our modern society. 

The reality is that for some people they feel like marriage is a trap. If you go to a bar you will hear such things. I remember when I first got here I went into Napoli’s with another priest. We entered the wrong door. The music sort of stopped as we entered and an attendant came quickly and said, ‘oh you must go this way to the other part of the restaurant.’ I bet that at that bar many times people have talked about their marriage by saying that they have “the old ball and chain” or that they are “being tied down.” Not to dismiss how one feels, but God never intended marriage eclipse human freedom but to enhance them. It wasn’t to make someone less of who they were meant to be - but through marriage the spouse makes them more of who they were meant to be. They become holier.

When two baptized couples stand before here at this altar and profess their love for each other until the end of their lives in front of their families and friends, the priest, and Jesus Christ himself, a sacrament occurs. The Holy Spirit swooshes in and unites them in marriage. The grace of the sacrament  of marriage perfects the love of the husband and wife, binds them together in fidelity, and helps them to welcome children into their marriage. It is as if Jesus Christ plants an ember of love in the sacrament that the couple can flan into a flame through their prayers, sacrifices, and acts of love. 

You see this is different than a simple civil marriage. WIth every marriage that is done here in the Church, two marriages actually occur. Their is the civil marriage and the sacramental marriage. Even though the civil marriage may be ended, the sacramental marriage can never be ended. Remember what Jesus said in the Gospel. He said, “What God has joined together, no human being must separate.” 

In the Gospel, Jesus is approached about divorce. The pharisees wanted to see what Jesus was going to say about divorce saying that Moses prescribed it. This maybe confusing for those of us who know that Moses is one of the fathers of our faith, along with Abraham and David. How could he have allowed for it. Well, it was actually a moment to dignify women. At the time of Moses, women were treated often as possessions. By instituting a decree of divorce, he is showing the personhood of the woman. No possession could be divorced. For this reason, Jesus said that it was because of the hardness of the ancient Jews hearts that divorce was allowed. But, Jesus ushers in a much more powerful sense. He discards the divorce decree stating what had been taught from the beginning. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

You see Jesus upgrades marriage from a mere social institution to the point of a sacrament. How is it a sacrament? Well it is in marriage that we see the reality of who God had made the human person. 

We are made in the image and likeness of God, right? Well, who is God? God is a communion of persons. Right - The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. They love each other so much that they are like one. If God is a communion of persons, and we are made in his image and likeness then we are also called to live as a communion of persons. The two becomes one flesh. And from this intimacy a third is born. The sacrament of marriage is the greatest sign of the reality of God in our midst.

There are many threats to marriage that seeks to undermine that which God had created. 

I am not principally talking about the reality of the political movement to redefine marriage to be between a man and a man or a woman and a woman. This can never be. Jesus said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” The Church will always defend this teaching and  support it no matter what people may want. They cant marry their bacon or dog or pet rock even if they really want to. It is against natural and divine law and therefore it can not happen in a sacramental way. 

What is more important than this is to talk about the underlying currents in society that is seeking to erode the foundation of marriage. The first is a overly sexualized world that is living according to the pleasure principle. 

Sex is good, holy, and beautiful when lived out in the sacrament of marriage between a couple who gives themselves freely to each other and open to life. However, what our society has been telling us is that we are all deserving of sex regardless of our state in life and how old we are. We hear of teenagers receiving birth control from schools. We hear of children as young as 6th grade coming down with STD’s. (here in Corsicana.) In movies and tv its seemingly ok to meet someone and give them “love.”

The sexual act that is not in marriage turns what is holy and beautiful into a lie. Sexual life is meant to be the outward sign of a union mentally, emotionally, and spiritually of the two persons. When the union does not exist, the very act itself will lead one down a path of self-hatred and despair.

The antidote of this overly sexualized society is to live the power of chastity. What is chastity? Chastity is the right-ordering of the sexual appetite and the physical display affections between persons. Another way of stating it, is that we are to show physical affection according to our state in life. Who is called to chastity? Am I as a priest called to chastity? Of Course, I am called to live out chastity but loving all people as Jesus Christ loves (would love) them. 

Is a teenager or young adult called to chastity? Of course they are. I get asked all the time from teenagers or young adults that ask. Father how far can I go without falling into  mortal sin? I have a simple answer to them. As soon as you become excited and passionate with the other person, you begin having a sexual relation. What most teens dont know is that sex begins there and it wants completion in intercourse. If you are being passionate with touch or kiss than the sexual process has started. Chastity says that the single life says that physical affections should be only those that are of a friendly nature. Holding hands, hugs, and brief kisses. Anything more belongs to marriage. 

So is the married man called to chastity? Of course! Same with the woman. You can lust after your wife and vice versa. Marriage is not a license to have sexual relations morning, noon, and night without consideration of what the other wants. In a marriage there is a full gift of one spouse to the other and a full reception of the gift. This brings us to one of the greatest areas of in-chastity in marriages. The use of contraception. This degrades the sexual act into something much less. Instead of being a gift of self that is received, the other person is used for pleasure. How? Well, taking the best gift that you can give to someone is to remove the full gift of self. It would be like saying honey bun, or my precious Gourd ... why do we give people such terms of endearment? ... I love you so much and I give you everything except this one thing that I keep from you. Slowly, what is beautiful turns into a means to manipulate and use. My friends throw away the contraception. Chastity dictates it.

Finally, the only way that chastity is to take root is if we get rid of pornography. This destroys the power of chastity and the gift of self that is required in marriage. If one is married, it destroys the marriage. If one is single, it will wound your future marriage. Allow chastity to flourish not vice versa.

A second threat to marriage is the utilitarian principle. We learn from very early on that we want to get as much out of something. What can I get out of this $5? What can I get out of this class? What can I get out of Mass? We say what can I get instead of what can I give. A marriage lived according to this principle will begin to look like a bartering partnership. I did this for me, so he owes me. I did this for her, so she better do what I want. This destroys the gift of self. Remember Jesus said, “there is no greater love than this to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” We need to live our married lives looking for ways to sacrifice, serve, and show the other spouse our love. Go up to your spouse and say spontaneously your words of love. Write her a note. Do something special for him. 

These threats to marriage can sometimes lead good marriages to separation. I know that many people tried to keep their marriage together but the other spouse left or the situation was not a safe one. For these people, the Church understands and is here for you. You are welcomed to be here to worship. If you find yourself in such a place, we are here for you. Call us and we will seek to help you.
 

Ultimately, marriage requires much sacrifice and love and therefore, it is difficult. We need to go to Jesus Christ on the cross for the strength to love when it is hard. We need to go to him and ask him to fan the flame of love given to the married couple in the sacrament of marriage. That way their marriage will be a brilliant light and true image of God’s reality in our midst. It is possible to avoid the threats against marriage and to live this awesome sacrament. Yet, it is only possible through the power of the cross.